Expert offers ways for parents to talk to kids

Families in Minnesota are still trying to process the mass shooting at Annunciation Catholic

School and Church in Minneapolis. Two children were killed and 17 were injured when a

shooter fired into the church where children and adults were worshiping at mass.

“These events should have never happened, and yet too often our children, families and

communities are left to bear the unthinkable weight of such violence,” said Brandon, M.A.,

CPPM consultant and executive director of the Minnesota Association for Children’s Mental

Health (MACMH).

According to data, there have been 70 mass shootings in Minnesota since 2014. “Moments like

these underscore the urgent need for educators, mental health providers and caregivers to

have resources, tools and support necessary to both care for young people and for people to

take care of themselves.”

Jones is a father with kids the age of the children who lost their lives in the shooting in

Minneapolis. “I can’t even imagine the pain these families are going through. I also can’t

imagine the pain of the kids who witnessed this. These are going to be memories for the rest of

their lives. I don’t think we understand the full impact of things like this,” Jones added.

When considering the trauma, Jones cited the example of the 35W Bridge collapse in 2007 and

the school bus that was on the bridge. Recently, Jones had a client who was on that bus. “To

hear their level of anxiety at getting on the highway, driving, bridges, or just being in vehicles, it

was pretty significant.”

Jones says the impact of the shooting at Annunciation Church is wide. Parents and community

members are asking Jones how to address this tragedy with their children. “Have age-

appropriate conversations,” Jones explained. “Younger children need simple reassurance, while

teens need space for more complex conversations. Every child deserves to be seen and heard in

moments like this.”

Keeping routines in place is important, Jones said. He also encouraged parents to limit media

exposure and instead spend time together. Reading and sticking to normal bedtime routines

also helps ease fears.

Jones compiled age-appropriate scripts for parents and caregivers to start important

conversations with their children as they try and process the news of the school shooting in

Minneapolis while also preparing for back to school.

Under Age 5

Focus on feelings and reassurance.

Questions to ask: Did anything make you feel scared or worried today? Do you want a hug or

some quiet time together? Can you show me on your face how you feel right now? Would you

like to play or draw about how you feel?

Responses: You are safe here with me. It’s ok to feel scared. I’m here to help you. Would you

like a hug or for me to sit with you?

Elementary School

Offer gentle reassurance and encourage expression through words, art, and play.

Questions to ask: How did you feel when you heard about the situation? Do you have any

questions about what happened? What helps you feel safe when you’re worried? Would you

like to draw, write, or talk about your feelings? Who are the people you trust at school or at

home when you feel scared?

Responses: It’s normal to feel upset when something like this happens. You’re not alone. The

adults at your school are working very hard to keep you safe. I know hearing about this is scary.

You can always talk to me about how you feel. If you feel worried about school, you can tell a

teacher or a trusted adult right away.

Middle School

Be more open-ended. Allow time for reflection and validate their awareness of what’s going on.

Questions to ask: How are you feeling when you hear the news, or when you’re talking about

this with your friends? Is there anything that feels confusing or hard to understand? Do you feel

nervous about being at school? What helps when you do? How can I best support you right

now? Do I need to listen, do we spend time together, or do you want me to help you with

something?

Responses: I can see that this news is upsetting. It’s ok to feel sad, angry, or confused. Even

though bad things happen, there are many people working to keep schools safe. You don’t have

to carry those feelings by yourself. I’m always here to listen. It’s ok to not have all the answers

right now. We can figure this out together.

High School

Be respectful, validating, and encourage independence and coping strategies.

Questions to ask: What are your thoughts about what happened? How is this affecting you

personally? Do you feel like you can talk about this with your friends, teachers, or me? What do you do when the news feels overwhelming? What gives you hope or helps you feel grounded

when the world feels scary?

Responses: It’s ok if you feel angry, sad, or numb; everyone is responding differently. Even

though tragedies happen, schools and communities are working hard to make safety a top

priority. If you want space, that’s ok. If you want to talk, I’ll listen, no judgment. If it feels

overwhelming, we can also connect you with other supports like counselors or therapists.

Jones said your tone should be calm, patient, and consistent. “For all ages, the goal isn’t to fix

how they feel. It is to patiently validate their emotions and remind them that they’re not

alone.”

More resources are available at: https://macmh.org.